Hi, I’m Claudia Brown Coulter, your go-to mediator for navigating divorce while parenting children with special needs. Thank you for coming back for part four of our series on navigating divorce with special needs children. Today, we’re discussing how to create a supportive environment at home.

 

Keeping Routines Consistent

The first thing I want you to think about is maintaining routines. Keep things the same as much as possible. Yes, your life is changing, and so is your child’s world, but stability in routines can be a source of comfort. Understandably, some changes are inevitable, but for those things that don’t have to change, strive to keep them consistent.

 

Continue Parenting

It’s easy to get caught up in your own grief during a divorce, but it’s crucial to continue parenting. Even if you can’t give 100%, 51% is still better than nothing. In our society, 51% might be considered failing, but not in parenting. If you’re doing more than half, you’re doing well enough. Your children need you to be the good enough parent right now, not the perfect parent. Support them by ensuring they do their homework, bathe, brush their teeth, wear clean clothes, and get to school. Just keep parenting.

 

Introducing Changes Slowly

Changes, especially in a divorce, should be introduced slowly and thoughtfully. Announcing a change one day and implementing it the next can be overwhelming for any child, particularly one with special needs. Gradual changes allow your child to process and adapt. Remember, you can’t control your spouse’s actions, but you can control your own. Make changes thoughtfully, and trust that your kids will be okay. With time, they, and you, will adjust.

 

Open Communication

Be open to continuing the conversation with your child. They will have questions, sometimes repeatedly. Be patient and willing to answer their questions whenever they come up. Consider using a visual schedule or calendar so your child can see and predict what’s coming up. Kids thrive on consistency and routines, as it creates a sense of safety.

 

Creating a Safe Environment

Your home needs to be an emotionally and physically safe environment. Support your child’s emotions and make your home physically accessible according to their needs. This might mean “baby-proofing” areas or ensuring there are no obstacles that could affect their mobility and independence.

 

Aligning with Your Co-Parent

As much as possible, align with your co-parent on expectations and discipline. Discuss how you will handle homework, bedtime, behavioral expectations, and even nutrition. Consistency between households can significantly impact your child’s well-being.

 

Utilizing Support Networks

Plug back into your support networks, both for yourself and your children. Encourage your kids to engage with their support systems and explore new activities. For instance, if they played basketball last year, consider trying soccer this year. New activities can open up new support networks and provide fresh experiences.

 

Creating Normalcy

Have regular communications with your co-parent about significant events in your child’s life. It doesn’t have to be daily, but if something important happens, let the other parent know. Sharing positive and honest updates can foster cooperation and create a sense of unity for your child.

 

Keeping Traditions and Starting New Ones

Maintain old family traditions that your kids love, but don’t shy away from starting new ones. This blend of old and new can provide continuity while also making room for new, exciting experiences.

 

Encouraging Social Connections

Encourage your child to stay connected with their friends. Divorce can cause stress that impacts friendships, leading to withdrawal or conflicts. Help your child maintain these connections to provide them with a sense of normalcy and support.

 

Keeping Appointments

Make sure to keep up with all appointments for your child, especially those outside of school. Consistent therapy, doctor’s visits, and other appointments create a regular routine that helps your child feel secure and supported.

 

One Step at a Time

Creating a supportive environment at home may seem overwhelming, but take it one step at a time. Focus on one aspect, like maintaining routines, for a week, and once that’s steady, move on to the next. You don’t have to do it all at once. Gradually implementing changes will help you and your child adjust more smoothly.

 

Final Thoughts

Remember, you’re doing a good job. You don’t have to be a perfect parent. Just be the best you can be right now. Things will get better with time. You’ve got this, and your children are going to be amazing because you’re handling this with care and thoughtfulness.